Frustration Diaries

I am fed up!!

and,

It’s important to know why I am writing all of this here and letting the world know why I feel sick to my bones!!

It’s never been easy being who I am. Naah….Im not a celebrity, not a pornstar-turned-moviestar. I’m a normal layman. A casual woman who struts down the streets in her flip-flops, hoping that situations get better.

I am the one you see sitting alone on that beach bench , silently crying and praying that I get the love of my life.

I am also the one who is almost turning 30 in a few years and still is not mentally prepared to get married.

Phew! Being a woman , even in this century is F****ing tough!!

I mean, let’s admit:

1. We, being a Woman/Girl/Daughter/Wife /Mother are always answerable . Fine By me. But, answerable to the whole community of family friends, to the entire mohalla or society or whatever dwelling you call it or better still, answerable to those loser relatives who only crop up to increase the trouble!! NOT FINE BY ME.

2. We, being a Woman/Girl/Daughter/Wife /Mother always have to think first of our family and then decide our life. Fine by me. But , thinking about our family and moulding our self the way they want and later , when we are in our grave, regretting it to the core. NOT FINE BY ME.

3. We, being a Woman/Girl/Daughter/Wife /Mother are forever taught to marry and settle down. Fine by me. But, being forced to be married just because the DAMN 30 SYNDROME is not good for a middle class Indian/Pakistani girl , as the society STILL looks down on her . NOT FINE BY ME .

4.  We, being a Woman/Girl/Daughter/Wife /Mother are educated to the highest order and degree. Fine by me. Actually very good. But, when we use that same knowledge in voicing our opinions and raising concerns for issues that matter , we are whisked away as cowards and asked to choose between our family and the victim! NOT FINE BY ME.

We, being a Woman/Girl/Daughter/Wife /Mother are a part of this society, the evolution , this so called creation and the formation of the modern way world. We have played as much a part in the development of this culture, this manifestation of human civilization as the bread-winners have. We still, have to go at war in our daily lives.

WAR WITH MY FATHER/MOTHER OVER WHY I CAN’T GO OUT OF TOWN TO WORK.

WAR WITH MY RELIGION /CULTURE ON WHY I SHOULD BE SLAYED TO DEATH ON LOVING SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT BELONG TO MY PATH OF GOD a.k.a. MY RELIGION.

WAR WITH MYSELF ON WHY I HAVE TO GIVE UP CERTAIN DREAMS AND DESIRES AND YET BE HAPPY .

WAR WITH WHY I CAN’T VENT MY ANGER TILL DATE IN PUBLIC, IN THE FEAR OF BEING TERMED AS A AGGRESSIVE BITCH.

WAR WITH WHAT WILL MY FAMILY THINK IF I TRY SMOKING MY FIRST JOINT.

WAR WITH LIVING MY WAY….

I am not complaining that why was I made a woman. I am just frustrated as to why we Women have always failed to keep up the trust or what exactly ensued that made the society protect us so much that it suffocates.

DAMN YOU ANCESTORS!!

I am a woman and I will always have some regrets. It’s a part of my life. But then,someday I hope you realize that a woman isnt just a creation of the LORD , she freaking creates that creation too.

PEACE.

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